I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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