you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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