i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i love accidental penises.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
