I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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