She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
