Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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