Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
