we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
