I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
