She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
