we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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