Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
