They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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