I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
