Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
