I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
