Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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