watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
And then my night got REAL pukey
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
