so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
