Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
