He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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