but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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