Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he told me I talked like a deaf person
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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