i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
