oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
