Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
