The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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