Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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