My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
