You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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