Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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