You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
