i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
