I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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