I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
