I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
