Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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