fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm having to shit out rocks
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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