i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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