I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
