I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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