At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
