pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
