he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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