i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
