She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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