Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
this hospital has no fireball
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
