He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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