Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
