Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
